REGAINING YOUR HOPE AND CONFIDENCE

DEDICATED TO ONE OF MY SWEET FRIEND WHO REALLY NEEDS TO GAIN CONFIDENCE AND HOPE.

just enlarge your confidence and hope to that very level from where you dont have to look back, just explore it like this sky view.....

The First Step On Your Journey:
Have you ever noticed that there are very few universal experiences in life? There are a few though; these rare events give us an experience that everyone can relate to. One experience that no one can avoid is the feeling of hardship. We all know the feeling of being down in the ditch, feeling like there is no hope. Our struggles come in every shape and size, but hopelessness is something that we’ve all shared. For some people the struggle is with themselves, with their emotions, self-confidence, or depression. Others are bombarded and attacked by situations of the world.
No matter how difficult our struggles, there is always hope. No matter how long we’ve fought to overcome our hardship, there is always hope. The trick to finding hope is to look in the right place.
Throughout life we are lured into countless situations that offer to return hope, only to find ourselves back in hard times. In our desperation, we have been convinced to seek hope through medicine, relationships, ethics, philosophy, hobbies, education, etc. While most of these are great courses to pursue, none of them will bring you true hope.
Then, still in desperation, we attempt to find a cure to life’s problems by doing things that we know are wrong, things that we call sin. All of us at one point have tried to patch a hole in our life with a sin of some kind.The sad truth is that sin can never fix life’s problems. And, the worst part is that sin unfortunately only makes it worse. Sin is just a temporary fix for a problem that really has only one solution.
True hope can only be found through the pursuit of something greater than yourself. That greater thing is ur inner conscience. Its the thing that will let you gain your confidence back and save you from losing hope.
It will always tell you what you did was right and what you did was wrong. Its your inner conscience which tells where you were wrong and how could you improve.
It is the thing which will make you realise that who all are there with you holding your hands and going to let you cross the finishing line. It is the one thing which gives you the power to judge other people and choose the gems out of them which you bestow with you for the lifetime as sweet memories. It decides who will give your shoulder to you when you want to cry and share your feelings. It is the thing which will make you realise you are the best creation of god. It is the thing which makes you realise that you will have to gain confidence in yourself... It is the thing which will teach u morality to decide what is the right deed to be done when you are in a situation of dilemma. It is the thing which will tell that you are always correct even when all the people around you cricticise you.. It will give you that much power which will make you do any impossible task possible. It will hold you together and proove this world that you were misunderstood by them and also that you were the best, you are the best and you will be the best forever...... NOONE CAN STOP YOU IF YOU ARE GOVERNED BY YOUR INNER CONSCIENCE.......... TRY IT.... YOU WILL SURELY SUCCEED.....

A LOVE STORY

(dedicated to all my friends who thinks that noone is their to care for them, their is a perfect time when you would realise that their is a person in your life who understands you, respects you, care for you, loves you, scolds you at your mistakes and keeps you like a prince or princess. )

                      Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Hapiness, Sadness, Knowledge, Richness, Vanity &  all of the  others including Love. One day it was  announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left...

              'Love' wanted to preservere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking Love decided to ask for help.

              'Richness' was passing by Love in a grand boat.  Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?", richness answered:"no, I cant. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. there is no place here for you."

                Love decided to ask 'Vanity' who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. "Vanity,please help me!". "I cant help you Love. You are all wet and it might damage my boat", Vanity answered.

               'Sadness' was close by so Love asked for help.

"Sadness let me go with you." Sadness replied, "Oh...... Love, I am so sad that I need to be myself!"

              'Happiness' passed by Love too, but she was so happy that she didnt even hear what Love called her!

              Suddenly, there was a voice: "come Love, I will take you."

It was an elder. Love felt so blessed and overjoyed that she even forgot to ask that elder his name. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went his own way.

             Love realizing how much she owned the elder, asked another elder,"Knowledge, who helped me?"

                   "It was 'Time", Knowledge replied.

            "Time?"asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"

         

          Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered,"Because only Time is capable of understanding how great Love is."

A MEMORABLE VISIT TO MY SISTER'S HOUSE.......

on 20th June,2010

It had been along time since I met my sister.... Actually the sister about whom I am talking lives in west Bengal and she is my mama's daughter,,,, But let me tell you friends I consider her too much and if i would have had a sister she would have also occupied the same position as she owns in my life.....

So I was talking about the the memorable visit.....  My exams ended on 15th June, and she was also going with her yearly exams of B.com( first year)...
Her last exam was scheduled on 24th June and the previous one was on 21st June...

She just said that she wants to meet... I too promised that I will be there for the last two exams...

I decided to have a journey from Kanpur to west Bengal by train on 20th night.... I    reached Kanpur from Delhi on 17th and the next day I was to leave...

I tried to get a reservation in some train but could not find it...

the major thing was to visit her without the knowledge of our parents concern.... i did not got up a reservation and one of my frnd was also scheduled to go with me....

In home I just told a lie that I am going to Delhi for some training purposes....

The thrilling journey full of lies began... We tried very hard to get reservation but could not get it....

At last to fulfill the promise made I decided to travel through GENERAL class compartment of the train...

We reached the railway station in the morning. We decided to travel by breaking the long journey in parts so that its not too much tiring for us and also had a thought that may be we cud get a reservation on any station....

But its said that when bad luck comes it comes from all sides....

when we reached the ticket counter we saw a queue of at least 75 people,.... First time we saw such a huge line at the railway  station... after standing in the queue for 55 minutes we got the ticket of general class..

We decided to travel by Rewa Express but the train was late by 30 mins so we decided to took the other train.... It was lalquila express which was not even superfast..... we somehow entered the train in the huge rush...

We decided to take a halt at Allahabad and then again continue from there..... It was a 2hours 30 mins travel if the train moves smoothly with its normal pace...

we were standing near the gate of compartment.. After one hour we got a seat to sit upon it.....

our bad luck continued and the journey took 4 ours 20 mins just the double time... But when we reached Allahabad we founded no train was available for further travel.. so we had to carry out in the same train....

After few hours we reached Mughalsarai... we were completely ended by the tirng journey... we  just dropped our luggage on the statation and sat on the chairs...... tried to get the the reservation but again failed...

It was still an 12 hours journey left with us...

We then entered the jodhpur-howrah train's general compartment. just got the place to stand there...

there were few candidates of defence academy also there sitting on the door steps of train...

we shook hand with each other, they offered me to sit on the steps....I sat on the door step for the first time to go on with such a long journey...

It was just an awesome experience....... sitting on the door step , wind blowing at you, with slight showers of rain drops, and the train moving at such a high sped that you couldnot even open up your eyes....

The journey was really good although the most difficult one...I was talking with the candidates and they too shared their experience with me....

It was all for my sister's happiness who is really someone whom I cant compare.....

Finally at 2am we reached a station just before where we had to reach.... We didn't went directly to that station as I was not supposed to visit my sisters house...

We went to a friend house but bad luck again.... he was not in the city for few days....

somehow got a contact of friend and he arranged for us to relax down in the night time...

the next day the moment arrived for which I did so much.... It was the the time to meet my sister... Our happiness couldn't be depicted in words when we met.... She along with us went to the college for the exams.... after she came back we went to a restaurant to have some snacks...Soon it was evening time and she returned... Now came the problem to stay..

We searched for each and every hotels but didn't found a single room available...

Finally contacted a friend who said that he will arrange something.... The friend was like my elder brother only who was going to get married the next day and that too a love marriage without the consent of his or the girls parents whom he was to marry...

I was shocked when he told about this... He said that you will also have to help me and I couldn't refuse because friendship is something for me for which I can give my life away,...We rested in his house for around 3am and then it was decided that I will go to meet my sister because the next entire day I was busy with the schedule.... around 3:20am I rang my sisters mobile and asked her to be awake...

somehow reached her house..... jumped across the wall to enter the house.... First time in life I was doing this and that too in my sister house..... I was thinking that its the most risky thing to be done... because if my mama or mami ji were to get up from sleep then i was completely killed......

I talked to my sister for continuous two hours.... Then I decided to leave because it was the time for everyone to getup.... I again jumped over the wall but unluckily my hand fell over broken pieces of glass which were stuck on the wall for security purpose.... My full palm was stucked by the glass pieces and  profuse bleeding started taking place, and also while jumping i got a cramp in my left ankle..... But the pain was not sensible to me as I was too happy to fulfill the wish of my sister to meet her after a long time... I just got onto the bike to return back but suddenly then I started feeling immense pain in my left ankle and I saw the bleeding did not stopped at all.... It was early morning so no doctor was available,I returned to my friends house and got some first aid.. But I was feeling totally weak and was almost in a fainting situation.... At about 10am I along with my friend or u can say bhaiya who was supposed to get married took me to the hospital... Doctor advised that I should get stitches but I refused and said that only dressing should be done...But the major part was that a lot of blood was lost from my body so I was told to get at least a bottle of glucose but I refused that too because bhaiya's marriage was supposed to take place in the court at 1pm.. And the court was 2hours drive from the place..... I returned to the house got ready got a craif bandaid in my leg also..... There was a car arranged for few people to go....Out of the two cars only  one arrived....Now the rest of the people were to go by bike.... It was a long journey and driving was almost impossible for me.... And one more thing due to the fast driving I do some of my friends have taken the promise that I wont drive.... But I had to break the promise as it was a much demanded situation....

Finally after driving for 2 hours continuously I reached to the court... All others were also there... I saw the bride first time and had a conversation with her in a very light manner... She was totally in fear as she was out of her home with the reason of going to temple and this time she was not going to return to her home at any cost.... I just talked to her and gave words of courage to her... Soon she became very frank to me in talking... I liked her nature too much.... finally we entered the marriage room of court... after viewing the documents the couple signed the papers and then came the sign for the witnesses to sign.... There were other friends who had pre decided to sign but they didn't have the legal identity proof.... So i was supposed to sign now but as my palm was fully cut I was not even able to hold the pen properly.. I just signed somehow but that sign was rejected... this happened for three times..Out of frustration I just opened my bandaid from hand and immediately i signed  somehow... The palm condition was really awful...The hand was swollen up completely... I just tied a handkerchief over it.... The marriage at court was over and now it was the time to go to the temple for some rituals.. Again it was a two hours drive.... As the members increased now I had to take two of the person on my bike... The hand was paining like hell... It seemed that it is totally numb... To this God added more difficulties... It started to rain too much heavily but we had to go on with the journey as the temple gates might have got closed.... The situation was extreme.... My leg was also paining.... I was not in the situation to drive... I was not even able to change the gears of bike.... The road had already turned too slippery... And certainly it happened that I lost the control over the bike as my complete right hand turned numb.... The bike slipped..... but somehow with my leg I managed that I didn't let the bike to collapse completely... I just hurted myself and withs God grace the two of my friends got saved who were sitting behind....]

But now I was really in a pathetic situation.... I gave the bike to my friend to drive as I was totally out of my senses... Somehow we reached the temple... with some rituals the marriage was performed... Now the major time arrived when the families were to be informed of.... this big responsibility was also laid on me... I just called the two families and gave the shocking news.... Their shout seemed as if thundering was taking place in the sky.... they asked me in a strict tone who are you and from where you are???? I just answered softly from Delhi .... they looked as if they would eat me up.....

It was nearly 11:30 pm so I decided not to create a scene out there and get out of that place...

But I had no idea to where to spend the night.... I went to some of the hotels but didn't find a room... then finally got to a hotel but that too was unlucky for me.... The entire cash money I had got over here and there.... I offered  him the debit card to swipe out... But there swipe machine was not working...

So they refused.... The ATM machine was also 4 kms far...  Somehow I convinced them on the deal that I will pay the double ammount next day.... See corruption prevails everywhere....

Somehow the night was over.....the morning was really good as i had relaxed after 2 days properly but my hand and leg were in very bad situation.... went to the doctor and he told that you have to be on bed rest for one week.... I was shocked by the news... as i had to return by two days..I returned back to hotel.... But before going there I went to the friends house who was married to view and analyse the situation...I entered their house with full courage... Uncle did not looked at me even and auntie gave me a seat to sit... She brought some biscuits and sweets which I could not eat even...think of eating... Auntie ji inquired about me and then told that she is accpeting the girl but on one condition that girls family wont interfere anywhere.......  I said that its for sure and then I got a relief in my heart that yes finally we succeeded.... We spended a day happily and then was to return to Delhi but didn't returned... First we went to M.P and staying there in my friends house was awesome.... Then finally was returning to Delhi through the train...

As my family members knew that I was in Delhi only they used to call me up regularly... But these all were all problems for me as one day my phone was switched off and reaching to the Bengal zone the customer care and it spoke in Bengali... I was being questioned up and I don't know how many lies I did told in few days... But a feeling of self satisfaction was there in my mind that I made my sister happy... while returning back to Delhi I got A phone call from my parents that come as soon as possible as your mother is not well at all... They thought I was in Delhi at that moment but soon I reached to Kanpur and to my home.... they did asked me that how did you managed to get here so  quickly but I did not utter a word.... No further questions were being asked by anyone as i remained silent... This was how many journey ended.... My mother was unwell so she was hospitalised......I was too hospitalised for a day as I was not well at all..... Like this a journey ended for me.... The most memorable journey which gave experiences in many forms............ It was all for my dear sis and later turned to my friend...... i know its a boring one but its specail for me.....

LIFE GETTING NEW DIMENSIONS BY GOD...

8th aug: The whole previous night I was not able to sleep..... From continuous 5 days this is happening with me.... No sleep....Dads visit to rum at late night to see d lights are switched off or not and to check whether I am sleeping or not... But I just keep on pretending as if I am having a sound sleep with a smile on face to hide my feelings... To addition to this mum is too much concerned for me as always, visits my rum, moves her soft hand on my forehead and said-"beta so jao, tbyat kharab ho jayegi tmhari".... I just nodded and turned side wise on my bed.... This is a normal routine which is happening with me for some days.... Today also it happened..... I tried to take care of myself but could not...... There was something revolving in my mind.... From few days life had been given new dimensions by God.....  My second semesters exams got over by 15th of June...... And from this very time new dimensions were given to my life....... In the next post I will be writing about all that..............

I AM IN A DILEMMA?????????

 

I'm just not able to decide something in my life... I really don't know what am I supposed to do in my life... I don't know who all are with me.... I don't know who all are against me..... I don't know whether i am leading a happy life or a miserable life.... I just don't know that whether my family, my friends and all my close ones are happy with me or not........ I m just trying to find an answer... An answer not for others but to answer my own self.......